In 2011, we went to New York City Hall early in the morning. The marriage registration procedure was completed successfully over the course of a whole day. We had been living together for many years up until then, so now? As an older wife, I felt a bit embarrassed by Orin’s first marriage.
In New York City, Bisbee (Arizona), and Newburgh, we were approached by a stranger almost every day. “What a cute and lovely couple! ” Orin is currently living in the world of my heart, and the two of us go out together as usual. There are some people who can see my inside like this way, and I am greeted with a warm smile by many people.
I went to a meeting with T-chan. (We’re going to do performance) Since I had time, I headed to the Port Authority Bus Terminal. Unusually at this busy time on a Sunday, but the empty gate feels like a different world.
During our three years & 3 months in Newburgh, this was the bus terminal that O and I used frequently. Of course, O’s treatments and tests/exams were the main focus, but there was also shopping, eating, briefly meeting friends, and lining up early to secure a seat. . .
O-kun was once there, but now he’s no longer here. This very clear, and only absolute reality has changed my inner worldview. Whether I’m here or not, this moment here and now is everything. I have to come to terms with my reality. “Thank you, we’ll always be together~” is the password of me and O in virtual reality. When I chant it like this, I feel an indescribable warmth, a love that goes beyond human comprehension.
珍しくだあれも居ない、だあれも並んでない：Unusually, no one is there, no one is lining up.空っぽの椅子に見えるけど、かつてOとあたしは良く座ったもんだ：It looks like an empty chair, but O and I used to sit in it often.眺め抜群：Great view
Ahead of the publication commemorative lecture, I and Ms. M went to Mr. R’s house on Bay Shore. By the way, Mr. R has been taking care of “our Hon-chan(our car once)” for half a year now since O passed away. Honta seemed relaxed and peaceful, and I was so nostalgic that I cried a little. However, since we achieved our long-awaited reunion、I was able to break free from my obsession with the fun memories of Honta, O, and me. Honta at that time is already in the past tense. I hope that he will be liked by a kind person and be adopted happily.
On the way back, Mr. R guided us and we enjoyed the sea breeze, and I also scattered O’s ashes. Although it’s a little far away, you can see Fire Island and the lighthouse. Lately, I’ve been tracing the person I was with O and transforming my daily life into the person I am without O. Little by little, little by little. ~~Thank you to all things that share this time and space with me.
あたしたちのホンタ：Our HontaM子さん、R氏の影法師と共に：With the shadow of Ms. M and Mr. R
所用でシープスヘッド・ベイに出た。そそられる盛り付けじゃない？：I went to Sheepshead Bay on business. Isn’t it an intriguing arrangement?Fさんが大輪の向日葵を下さった。: F -san from NewBurgh gave me a large sunflower.コニー・アイランド帰り。Oちゃんの灰を撒く予定が楽しいお喋りに終始した。: Return from Coney Island. The plan to scatter O’s ashes was all about fun chatting.ついに！昨年11月のΟのビデオを編集しようって気運。ハドソン河岸を撮っていたはずがOの影オンパレードだった : I’m editing a video of the Hudson River that O shot last November.マーシー駅。3年半ぶりかも。: Mercy station. It’s been three and a half years.ワーセンター。お元気そうなT氏とYさんにも再会を果たす。: Williamsburg Art and Historical Center. To Mr. T and Ms. Y who seem to be doing well have a reunion.ここでOはビデオを撮り、アタシは編集を手伝った。仲良くずっとやって来たよ: Here O shot the video and I helped edit it. The two of us, we were absolutely good team.
Orin spent his final days in this hospital where he was rushed to emergency. Since then, I surely stop by here on my way home from the library and find out how my emotion has been moving. Orin is no more, his soul/energy wave has become a single superconscious. And because he is wrapping me up, so that is why I can move forward with peace of mind.
あたしの影がオリンの横顔に見える: My shadow looks like Orin’s profile
マットとリズの美味しいご飯、食材はほぼ彼らの庭で収穫したもの。花も見事に咲き誇っているね。
Delicious foods from Matt and Liz, mostly harvested from their own garden. The flowers are blooming beautifully too.
美味しい、美味しい！: Delicious, delicious! yummy yummy!彼らのハウスの瞑想ルームに、オリンの絵が掛かっている : A painting of Orin hangs in the meditation room of their house.Oさんの月命日、8月25日。マッサージセラピースタジオにて: O’s death anniversary, August 25th. At the massage therapy studio
A statue of the Buddhist monk Kuya is known for having small statues of Buddhas emerging from his mouth. ~~~ The six Buddha statues represent Amitabha Buddha. Kuya was known for his tireless efforts to teach Buddhism by chanting, “I take refuge in Amitabha Buddha.” Kuya was active in the middle of the Heian period (794 to late 12th century) amid rampant plagues and a series of events such as earthquakes, flooding and uprisings by Taira no Masakado and Fujiwara no Sumitomo. The disasters especially afflicted the common people.
The Buddhist monk helped the poor and sick throughout his life, earning him the nickname “Ichi no Hijiri,” a saint living among the ordinary people. The standing statue, believed to be from the early Kamakura period (late 12th century to 1333), is only 117 centimeters tall, but its muscular appearance in a simple outfit so overwhelms many viewers that they cannot help but feel like standing straighter before it. ~~~~ by The Yomiuri Shimbun / 11:00 JST, April 13, 2022
I may have written it somewhere, but once upon a time, I had an incredibly wonderful dream; We are sitting in a tatami room with dozens of tatami mats where the sun shines through the shoji/paper screens. Before long, the shoji doors opened, and an old man entered with a smile on his face. He looks like he’s pulling an endless bug cage (?) in his hands. To be more precise, the insect cage has a string attached to the corner, and the old man came in while dragging a bundle of the string, and when he sat face to face with us, he sat down slowly, started talking to us.
『Whenever you do a good deed or say a good word, it will fly out of your mouth like a butterfly. My duty ( mission ?) is to collect the butterflies in these insect cages. 』
That’s all. Just that. After that dream, for some reason, I learned about the statue of Kuya Shonin. The manifestation of divinity into the world through the vocal cords. If Kotodama(spirit of words) transforms in this phenomenal world, isn’t it a very symbolic way of showing it?
In 1976, a few farmers started selling their agricultural products in Union Square Park. Today, it has become a mecca for tourism as a world-class “green market”. (<–click) I used to recognize it as a “farmer’s market” as usual, but that’s an old story. Last summer, Orin and I were still in the city of Newburgh, going to the garden lot we were renting, tending tomatoes, nasturtiums, kale, broccoli and coloured greens. Well, there are cracks piled up in front of me, and yellow, green, and vermilion tiered patterns and unevenness, that’s right! This is a tomato!
Hey, Orin!!,,, that was fun~ Let’s resume gardening when we meet again. I suddenly remembered that a long time ago (at a cafe in Kunitachi City, Tokyo), a strange lady approached me and predicted, ” You will one day become the owner of a large plantation.” . Well, it doesn’t’ matter to me, but, it would be nice if I could obtain a certain amount of forest and become a planner for tree funerals.
SJAC closing @ gallery Maxwith lovely friends, maybe my daughters(?)“I SEE SUMMER” closing @ 128 gallerywith Orin’s & J.M’s artworks @ 128 gallery with Satoko-chanSo much fun, I went theretalent showtalent show 2talent show keep goingtalent show poem readingIn here, our friend Frank Craven teaches poem, & art history outdoor dancing class near my apt, so cutefirefly as if Orin’s message, Yes I feel so!Judi’s Venetian Satellite @ her artists studio’s lobby
エリック からは、彼の作品をいただいたり, J. I ちゃんもチャイニーズフーズ持参で訪ねてくれたし、（アリゾナトリップの話が面白かった）E.K.Pさん、Micaちゃん、もう、皆さんが気にしてくれてテキストをくださったり。トキちゃんもゆかちゃんもありがとう。
Eric gave me his work, J.I. visited me with Chinese food (with interesting stories of their trip to Tucson/AZ). E.K.P. , Mica, toki, Yuka, and many sent me greeting by text message.
At Shoko Therapy Studio, I was able to meet Y.B, a mutual friend of mine. Her husband, M, gave me homemade soap and a cream! It’s nice to receive it, it’s a great thing with love. On this day, E.T and her husband Y.T helped me with my online account creation and address change, and it was a truly special day. Full of happiness.
T家からのミッドタウンマンハッタンの眺め手作りクリームがこんな可愛らしい容器に入ってる
マットとリズのシェアハウスで美味しい食事。A delicious meal at Matt and Liz’s share house.
And when it’s 11:00 at night, I can’t stay awake anymore. Every night I say, “Good night. O-san! ’ and woke up before 6:00 the next morning. Every morning, I change the water in Orin and chant the Heart Sutra whenever I feel like it. This is for everyone who passed away in my memory. I wish you all the best and happiness. Let’s live together with everyone today.
