整頓ブギ:tidy boogie woogie

クイーンズ区キューガーデンへの引越し計画が頓挫。でも、遅かれ早かれ良い展開が起きるって信じてるので片付けに拍車が掛かる。他州への引越しも考慮してるし。オリンのアートとコンピューター関係、それにアタシの書きものより他は、全く執着がなくなっている。すっきりしてくると、このハウス全体にもありがたさと感謝が湧き起こる。

Plans to move to Kew Gardens/Queens, fall through. However, I believe that sooner or later a good development will occur, so I will accelerate the cleaning process. I’m also considering moving to another state. I have no attachment to anything other than Orin’s art and computer-related things, and my writings. As I feel refreshed, gratitude and appreciation arise throughout this house.

ピアノ、待機中:Piano, standby

断捨離がここしばらく進まない。細々したものばかり残り、ひとまとめに、と思うけれどできない。数人のお友達いわく『後で必要なことも生じるから、少しの間は取っておいた方が良いじゃない』って。何やらOちゃんの口癖っぽいけど、もしかして乗り移って、皆にそう言わせたのかしらん? 先ほど、ゴロゴロいくつもあるアダプターに嫌気がさして、どうしようかね、サヨナラだよねってその中の一つを手に取る。表記では、引越しで見失ってしまった電子ピアノのアダプターに似ている、が、メーカーも違うし。。何度か以前試してもいたし。。もう一回、やってみますか、と, 取り付けると、え〜!?赤いライトが付いてオンの表示。怖々弾いてみる。ま、初心者ですがこんなふうに、音楽に戻れてすごく嬉しい。ありがとう、ありがとう。ピアノ、待機中。

不思議なこと;だって前にも試したのよ、このアダプター。

The decluttering process has not progressed for a while. There are only small things left, and I wish I could put them (threw away) all together, but I can’t. A few of my friends said, “You may need them later, so it’s better to put them aside for a while.” It sounds like O-chan has a habit of saying it, so maybe he’s taken over and made everyone say that? Earlier, I got fed up with all the adapters lying around, so I decided to pick one up and decided to say goodbye. According to the description, it looks similar to the adapter for the electronic piano we lost when we moved, but it’s a different manufacturer. . I’ve tried it several times before. . I thought, “Would you like to try it again?” When I installed it, it was like, Wow! ? Displayed on with red light. I’m afraid to try playing it. Well, I’m a beginner, but I’m really happy to be able to get back into music like this. Thank you thank you. Piano standby.

It’s strange; I’ve tried this adapter before.

斜め上から撮ったので影の位置関係がおかしいのはお許し:I apologize for the strange positioning of the shadows as I took the photo from diagonally above.

月命日も8回目:8th month of anniversary of death

10月25日はあたしの最愛のひと Orin F. Buck の月命日でもあった。8ヶ月過ぎて、いよいよ想いは募るし、当たり前のように泣く。みぞおちと、額のある前頭葉部分がまだぐずぐずしている。同時に、幸福な感情を司ると言われるセロトニン(脳内ホルモン)にも思いが向く。こちらをテイクケアしてあげなきゃね。すでにあたしの心の住人になっているOちゃんの分も楽しくやってゆこう。Oちゃん、あたしの心の成長を促し、あたしを独立させ、自由という状態を与えてくださってほんとうにありがとう。

アンタが生きていた時は、『あたしたち二人』この束縛があったかも。今は『あたし一人』、少しずつだけど、『あたしは皆(万物・生命と一緒)』を認知しかかっている。そして、最終的には『あたし、というものはいない』ことを悟るんじゃ無いかしら。

October 25th was also the anniversary of the death of my beloved Orin F. Buck. Eight months have passed, and my feelings for him have been grown, and I still am crying as usual. The pit of my stomach and the part of my frontal lobe where my forehead is located are still sobbing. At the same time, my thoughts also turn to serotonin, which is said to control feelings of happiness. I should take care of this. Let’s have fun with O-chan, who has already become a resident of my heart. Orin-chan, Thank you so much for encouraging my spiritual growth, making me independent, and giving me a state of freedom.

When he was alive, probably we were a bit tight each one “two of us/you and I”. Now I am alone. Little by little I am beginning to realize that “I am everything(along with all things & life)” And in the end, I think I will realize that “There is no such thing as me.”

101枚の絵画展:101 paintings: “101 Scenes from the Land of Color” by Orin Buck

昨日はちょっとしんみりして、ちょっとだけお友達と話して、アタシらの結婚記念日を一人、淡々と祝った。アタシらは世間のお祝いごとに無頓着でもあったから、気が向いた日を”お誕生日”にして祝ってみたり、そんなふうだったので思い返しても薄い記憶しかない。ハイライトっていうのが無いのよ(?!)ただニューバーグでは、オリンの闘病と共にやってきた日々の記憶が詰まっているし、ワインを買ったりお祝いしたことも覚えている。

なんと!!2016年は、仲良くお付き合いのあった画廊のオーナーの提案で、数日とはいえオリンは小品展を開催したのだった。しかも、そのオープニングは10月4日!1日遅れの結婚記念日の最良の贈り物じゃなかったかしら。ありがとう、ありがとう。アタシもオリンも本当に人々には恵まれているのね。再び感謝。

101枚の絵画展 <—ここをクリック

Yesterday I was a little somber, talked a little with some friends, and celebrated my wedding anniversary by myself. We were also indifferent to the celebrations of the world, so we decided to celebrate by making any day we felt like a “birthday or something else”, so even when I look back on it, I only have a vague memory of it. There are no highlights (?!) that I have. However, the years of Newburgh is filled with memories that came with Orin’s battle with his illness, and I also remember buying wine and celebrating together.

Oh my God! In 2016, at the suggestion of the owner of a 128 gallery with whom we have a good relationship, even if it was just a few days, Orin held an exhibition of small art pieces. Moreover, the opening was October 4th! Now I think that it was the best gift for our one-day late wedding anniversary. Thank you thank you. Both I and Orin are truly blessed by people. Thanks again.

101 paintings <—- click

10月3日はアタシとオリンの結婚記念日です:October 3rd is my and Orin’s wedding anniversary

2011年、早朝からニューヨーク市役所に出向き、丸一日かけて入籍手続きは無事終了。それまで何年もずっと一緒に暮らしていたし、今更?って、何だか姉さん女房としては初婚のオリンに気恥ずかしかったなあ。

マンハッタンでも、ビスビー(アリゾナ)でも、ニューバーグでも、ほぼ、毎日一回は見知らぬ人から声をかけられた。『まあ、なんて可愛い仲良しカップルなの!』って。オリンは今はアタシの心の世界に住んでいて、二人ちゃっかり相変わらず仲良く出かけているんだよね。そうした気配を感じる人もいて、いろんな人ににっこり笑顔で挨拶される。

In 2011, we went to New York City Hall early in the morning. The marriage registration procedure was completed successfully over the course of a whole day. We had been living together for many years up until then, so now? As an older wife, I felt a bit embarrassed by Orin’s first marriage.

In New York City, Bisbee (Arizona), and Newburgh, we were approached by a stranger almost every day. “What a cute and lovely couple! ” Orin is currently living in the world of my heart, and the two of us go out together as usual. There are some people who can see my inside like this way, and I am greeted with a warm smile by many people.

諦めか、受容か。全ては夢幻?:Should I give up or accept it? Is it all a dream? My grieving process. 

Tちゃんとのパフォーマンスの打ち合わせに出る。時間があったのでポート・オーソリティ・バスターミナルに向かう。この日曜日の忙しい時間帯、あり得ないんだけど、誰もいないゲートは異空間そのもの。ニューバーグでの3年間、ここは、Ο君とアタシが頻繁に利用したバス・ターミナル。もちろん、O君の治療や検査が主要事項だったけど、買い物や買い食いしたり、友人にちょこっと会ったり、帰りの座席の確保で早々と列に並んだり、。。。かつてO君は確かに居た・今はもう居ない、このあまりにも明白で唯一の絶対的現実は、アタシの世界観を変えてしまった。居ようが居まいが今ここ、この刹那の瞬間が全てなんだ。あたしの現実に折り合いを付けるんだよ。”有難う、いつも一緒だよ〜” がアタシとOの仮想現実の合言葉。こんな風に唱えると、なんとも言えない暖かさ、人智を超えた”愛”を感知する。

I went to a meeting with T-chan. (We’re going to do performance) Since I had time, I headed to the Port Authority Bus Terminal. Unusually at this busy time on a Sunday, but the empty gate feels like a different world.

During our three years & 3 months in Newburgh, this was the bus terminal that O and I used frequently. Of course, O’s treatments and tests/exams were the main focus, but there was also shopping, eating, briefly meeting friends, and lining up early to secure a seat. . .

O-kun was once there, but now he’s no longer here. This very clear, and only absolute reality has changed my inner worldview. Whether I’m here or not, this moment here and now is everything. I have to come to terms with my reality. “Thank you, we’ll always be together~” is the password of me and O in virtual reality. When I chant it like this, I feel an indescribable warmth, a love that goes beyond human comprehension.

珍しくだあれも居ない、だあれも並んでない:Unusually, no one is there, no one is lining up.

出版記念講演会の打ち合わせということで、アタシとM子さんはロングアイランドのR氏宅に出かけた。ところで、O君の他界からこっち、もう半年も ”私たちのホンちゃん” をR氏に預けっぱなし。ホンタは、くつろいで伸び伸びしているように見えたし、アタシはちょいと(いつもなんですが)泣いてしまった。でも、思い切って再会を果たしたので心の底から吹っ切れた。あの時のホンタはもう過去形。優しい人に気に入られて、幸せな養子に出てね〜、って思う。

Ahead of the publication commemorative lecture, I and Ms. M went to Mr. R’s house on Bay Shore. By the way, Mr. R has been taking care of “our Hon-chan(our car once)” for half a year now since O passed away. Honta seemed relaxed and peaceful, and I was so nostalgic that I cried a little. However, since we achieved our long-awaited reunion、I was able to break free from my obsession with the fun memories of Honta, O, and me. Honta at that time is already in the past tense. I hope that he will be liked by a kind person and be adopted happily.

帰る途中、R氏の案内でアタシたちは海風を堪能し、O君の灰も撒いてきた。少し遠いけど、ファイヤー・アイランドも灯台も見える。このところ、O君と居たアタシ、をなぞりながら、O君の居ないアタシ、に日常を変換。少しずつ、少しずつ。〜〜このアタシの時空間を共有してくださる万物に感謝。

On the way back, Mr. R guided us and we enjoyed the sea breeze, and I also scattered O’s ashes. Although it’s a little far away, you can see Fire Island and the lighthouse. Lately, I’ve been tracing the person I was with O and transforming my daily life into the person I am without O. Little by little, little by little. ~~Thank you to all things that share this time and space with me.

8月下旬からこっちを、写真日記風にしてみた:From the end of August until now, I made this a photo diary style  

月命日も6回目:6th month of anniversary of death

オリンちゃんは緊急搬送されたこの病院で、最後の数日を過ごした。残ったあたしは、周期的に図書館帰りにここに立ち寄って、折々の心模様をのぞいてみる。オリンはもう居ない、彼の魂・エネルギー波動は、ただ一つの超意識になっている。そして、あたしを包み込んでくれているので、安心して前に進んで行ける。

Orin spent his final days in this hospital where he was rushed to emergency. Since then, I surely stop by here on my way home from the library and find out how my emotion has been moving. Orin is no more, his soul/energy wave has become a single superconscious. And because he is wrapping me up, so that is why I can move forward with peace of mind.

マットとリズの美味しいご飯、食材はほぼ彼らの庭で収穫したもの。花も見事に咲き誇っているね。

Delicious foods from Matt and Liz, mostly harvested from their own garden. The flowers are blooming beautifully too.

美味しい、美味しい!: Delicious, delicious! yummy yummy!
彼らのハウスの瞑想ルームに、オリンの絵が掛かっている : A painting of Orin hangs in the meditation room of their house.
Oさんの月命日、8月25日。マッサージセラピースタジオにて: O’s death anniversary, August 25th. At the massage therapy studio

空也上人、それと、あたしが昔見た夢の話:”Kuya Shonin”, and the story of a dream I had a long time ago

世界に誇る日本の仏像たち、有名・無名、時代背景も作者も技法も問わず、あたしの中でその生き様、そして視覚的にも心の深奥にも触れて、尚且つ越えるものがない、という理由から、”空也上人立像” を真っ先に挙げる。

ひたすら「南無阿弥陀仏」と口で称える称名念仏(口称念仏)を日本において記録上初めて実践したとされ、日本における浄土教念仏信仰の先駆者と評価される ~~~~~ 特徴的な空也像の由来は、彼が「南無阿弥陀仏」の6文字を唱えると、阿弥陀如来の姿に変わったという伝承を表している。

空也-wikipedia から抜粋 <—- クリックして詳細をご覧ください

A statue of the Buddhist monk Kuya is known for having small statues of Buddhas emerging from his mouth. ~~~ The six Buddha statues represent Amitabha Buddha. Kuya was known for his tireless efforts to teach Buddhism by chanting, “I take refuge in Amitabha Buddha.” Kuya was active in the middle of the Heian period (794 to late 12th century) amid rampant plagues and a series of events such as earthquakes, flooding and uprisings by Taira no Masakado and Fujiwara no Sumitomo. The disasters especially afflicted the common people.

The Buddhist monk helped the poor and sick throughout his life, earning him the nickname “Ichi no Hijiri,” a saint living among the ordinary people. The standing statue, believed to be from the early Kamakura period (late 12th century to 1333), is only 117 centimeters tall, but its muscular appearance in a simple outfit so overwhelms many viewers that they cannot help but feel like standing straighter before it. ~~~~ by The Yomiuri Shimbun / 11:00 JST, April 13, 2022

どこかに書いたかもだけど、昔々途方もなく素晴らしい夢を見た。障子越しに明るい日の差し込む何十畳敷きの畳の部屋にあたしたちは座っている。程なく障子が開き、老人がニコニコしながら入ってきた。見ると両手に限りない虫かご(?)を引っ張っている。正確には、虫かご のコーナーには紐がついており、老人はその紐の束を引きずりながら入ってきた、そして、顔をあたし達に、つまり対面(正面)姿勢でゆっくりと座るとあたし達に語り始めた。

『みなさんが、何か良い行いや、良い言葉を出すと、それはみなさんの口から蝶々になって飛び出します。その蝶々をこれらの虫かごに採集するのが私の役目(?仕事?)なのです。』

それだけ。ただ、それだけ。その夢のあとに、何かのきっかけで”空也上人像”を知った。声帯を通しての、この世界への神性の出現。言霊が、この現象界で変身するのだとしたら何ともシンボリックな見せ方ではないかしら!

I may have written it somewhere, but once upon a time, I had an incredibly wonderful dream; We are sitting in a tatami room with dozens of tatami mats where the sun shines through the shoji/paper screens. Before long, the shoji doors opened, and an old man entered with a smile on his face. He looks like he’s pulling an endless bug cage (?) in his hands. To be more precise, the insect cage has a string attached to the corner, and the old man came in while dragging a bundle of the string, and when he sat face to face with us, he sat down slowly, started talking to us.

『Whenever you do a good deed or say a good word, it will fly out of your mouth like a butterfly. My duty ( mission ?) is to collect the butterflies in these insect cages. 』

That’s all. Just that. After that dream, for some reason, I learned about the statue of Kuya Shonin. The manifestation of divinity into the world through the vocal cords. If Kotodama(spirit of words) transforms in this phenomenal world, isn’t it a very symbolic way of showing it?