The decluttering process has not progressed for a while. There are only small things left, and I wish I could put them (threw away) all together, but I can’t. A few of my friends said, “You may need them later, so it’s better to put them aside for a while.” It sounds like O-chan has a habit of saying it, so maybe he’s taken over and made everyone say that? Earlier, I got fed up with all the adapters lying around, so I decided to pick one up and decided to say goodbye. According to the description, it looks similar to the adapter for the electronic piano we lost when we moved, but it’s a different manufacturer. . I’ve tried it several times before. . I thought, “Would you like to try it again?” When I installed it, it was like, Wow! ? Displayed on with red light. I’m afraid to try playing it. Well, I’m a beginner, but I’m really happy to be able to get back into music like this. Thank you thank you. Piano standby.
It’s strange; I’ve tried this adapter before.
斜め上から撮ったので影の位置関係がおかしいのはお許し：I apologize for the strange positioning of the shadows as I took the photo from diagonally above.
10月25日はあたしの最愛のひと Orin F. Buck の月命日でもあった。８ヶ月過ぎて、いよいよ想いは募るし、当たり前のように泣く。みぞおちと、額のある前頭葉部分がまだぐずぐずしている。同時に、幸福な感情を司ると言われるセロトニン（脳内ホルモン）にも思いが向く。こちらをテイクケアしてあげなきゃね。すでにあたしの心の住人になっているOちゃんの分も楽しくやってゆこう。Oちゃん、あたしの心の成長を促し、あたしを独立させ、自由という状態を与えてくださってほんとうにありがとう。
October 25th was also the anniversary of the death of my beloved Orin F. Buck. Eight months have passed, and my feelings for him have been grown, and I still am crying as usual. The pit of my stomach and the part of my frontal lobe where my forehead is located are still sobbing. At the same time, my thoughts also turn to serotonin, which is said to control feelings of happiness. I should take care of this. Let’s have fun with O-chan, who has already become a resident of my heart. Orin-chan, Thank you so much for encouraging my spiritual growth, making me independent, and giving me a state of freedom.
When he was alive, probably we were a bit tight each one “two of us/you and I”. Now I am alone. Little by little I am beginning to realize that “I am everything(along with all things & life)” And in the end, I think I will realize that “There is no such thing as me.”
祥子ちゃんより頂いた”とろろいも”：”tororo” which I got from Shoko-chanオリンのトレードマークの赤丸ステッカーを写真に貼り付けた：Orin’s trademark red circle sticker was pasted on the photo.
The lunch box at the Respect for the Aged Party hosted by “JAA/Japanese American Association of New York” was amazing! I thought, “Ah, what a waste” to eat it. Japanese food culture is simply delicate & artistic. Well, one early evening after the rain, I & friends couple went for a walk around the nearby Brooklyn College campus. The inside of the historic college library was once again well-stocked. By the way, the other day, I passed by the New York University Cancer Center, where Orin attended before his death, for the first time in a while. Tears welled up a little. . Now, I went to visit K at the hospital in East Village. We could see a wonderful rainbow from her hospital room. On the way home, I was stopped by several people asked me, “Did you see that amazing rainbow earlier?” The good thing about rainbows is that it makes people look up. (smile)
On October 13th, a publication commemorative lecture by Mieko Mitachi and Ryo wada was held at JAA. (“Living in a Multicultural City of New York” co-authored by the two, which was introduced on this blog) A lot of nice people came together, and the time passed quickly with deep speeches from different perspectives and questions from the audience. Please wait a moment until the video is uploaded.
Yesterday I was a little somber, talked a little with some friends, and celebrated my wedding anniversary by myself. We were also indifferent to the celebrations of the world, so we decided to celebrate by making any day we felt like a “birthday or something else”, so even when I look back on it, I only have a vague memory of it. There are no highlights (?!) that I have. However, the years of Newburgh is filled with memories that came with Orin’s battle with his illness, and I also remember buying wine and celebrating together.
Oh my God! In 2016, at the suggestion of the owner of a 128 gallery with whom we have a good relationship, even if it was just a few days, Orin held an exhibition of small art pieces. Moreover, the opening was October 4th! Now I think that it was the best gift for our one-day late wedding anniversary. Thank you thank you. Both I and Orin are truly blessed by people. Thanks again.
In 2011, we went to New York City Hall early in the morning. The marriage registration procedure was completed successfully over the course of a whole day. We had been living together for many years up until then, so now? As an older wife, I felt a bit embarrassed by Orin’s first marriage.
In New York City, Bisbee (Arizona), and Newburgh, we were approached by a stranger almost every day. “What a cute and lovely couple! ” Orin is currently living in the world of my heart, and the two of us go out together as usual. There are some people who can see my inside like this way, and I am greeted with a warm smile by many people.
Emi-chan took me to Robert Moses State Park by car! A fun plan to swim in the sea and have a BBQ. On the way, we bought some fresh vegetables at the farmers market, which was great! Yey!
By the way, a strange thing happened in the moment we set out. As you know, seat belts naturally have a sensor on the seat that has a certain weight on them, which recognizes this and emits a warning light or sound to remind you to fasten your belt. But there was no one in the back seat. . If this happens, we can’t leave! ? So, as soon as I tried putting on the seat belt on an empty seat. Everything was fine. Orin definitely wanted to accompany him to Long Beach, Jones Beach, and Fire Island, which he also has connections to. Emi and I both agree.
Surprising high waves due to a hurricane heading north off the coast! Scatter Orin’s ashes, in the moment, the raging waves carry Orin away. I have sprinkled his ashes on the beach several times so far, but now I have completely finished one of my tasks. The entire ocean has become Orin. I would like to thank Emi-chan with all of my heart for giving me(and Orin) such a wonderful day.
By a strange coincidence and timing, I decided to move to Kew Gardens in Queens after 4 years. This happened a few hours after I vowed to Orin’s soul to move to a place where the sun shines. The basement I’m in now was probably needed to organize Orin’s equipment, and it was spacious. Now that it’s almost clear, let’s move on! I guess he pushed me on the back.
マット、デビッドと共に『赤い鳥小鳥』パフォーマンス：“Red Bird Little Bird” performance with Matt and David一度は行こう、ジャパン・ビレッジ：Let’s go to Japan Village at least once斗紀ちゃんと即興をした：I improvised with Toki-chan.
This is the 5th anniversary of the death of Sakura Suzuki, who taught Noguchi Chiropractic and Katsugen here in New York. On September 13th, there was no rain and it was a calm day, reflecting her humble, gentle personality.
クイーンズ植物園の桜ちゃんの樹：Sakura-chan tree at Queens Botanic GardenMさんがお花を添える：M-san adds flowersMさんとAさん、それに桜ちゃんの樹：M-san, A-san, and Sakura-chan’s tree
I went to a meeting with T-chan. (We’re going to do performance) Since I had time, I headed to the Port Authority Bus Terminal. Unusually at this busy time on a Sunday, but the empty gate feels like a different world.
During our three years & 3 months in Newburgh, this was the bus terminal that O and I used frequently. Of course, O’s treatments and tests/exams were the main focus, but there was also shopping, eating, briefly meeting friends, and lining up early to secure a seat. . .
O-kun was once there, but now he’s no longer here. This very clear, and only absolute reality has changed my inner worldview. Whether I’m here or not, this moment here and now is everything. I have to come to terms with my reality. “Thank you, we’ll always be together~” is the password of me and O in virtual reality. When I chant it like this, I feel an indescribable warmth, a love that goes beyond human comprehension.
珍しくだあれも居ない、だあれも並んでない：Unusually, no one is there, no one is lining up.空っぽの椅子に見えるけど、かつてOとあたしは良く座ったもんだ：It looks like an empty chair, but O and I used to sit in it often.眺め抜群：Great view
Ahead of the publication commemorative lecture, I and Ms. M went to Mr. R’s house on Bay Shore. By the way, Mr. R has been taking care of “our Hon-chan(our car once)” for half a year now since O passed away. Honta seemed relaxed and peaceful, and I was so nostalgic that I cried a little. However, since we achieved our long-awaited reunion、I was able to break free from my obsession with the fun memories of Honta, O, and me. Honta at that time is already in the past tense. I hope that he will be liked by a kind person and be adopted happily.
On the way back, Mr. R guided us and we enjoyed the sea breeze, and I also scattered O’s ashes. Although it’s a little far away, you can see Fire Island and the lighthouse. Lately, I’ve been tracing the person I was with O and transforming my daily life into the person I am without O. Little by little, little by little. ~~Thank you to all things that share this time and space with me.
あたしたちのホンタ：Our HontaM子さん、R氏の影法師と共に：With the shadow of Ms. M and Mr. R
所用でシープスヘッド・ベイに出た。そそられる盛り付けじゃない？：I went to Sheepshead Bay on business. Isn’t it an intriguing arrangement?Fさんが大輪の向日葵を下さった。: F -san from NewBurgh gave me a large sunflower.コニー・アイランド帰り。Oちゃんの灰を撒く予定が楽しいお喋りに終始した。: Return from Coney Island. The plan to scatter O’s ashes was all about fun chatting.ついに！昨年11月のΟのビデオを編集しようって気運。ハドソン河岸を撮っていたはずがOの影オンパレードだった : I’m editing a video of the Hudson River that O shot last November.マーシー駅。3年半ぶりかも。: Mercy station. It’s been three and a half years.ワーセンター。お元気そうなT氏とYさんにも再会を果たす。: Williamsburg Art and Historical Center. To Mr. T and Ms. Y who seem to be doing well have a reunion.ここでOはビデオを撮り、アタシは編集を手伝った。仲良くずっとやって来たよ: Here O shot the video and I helped edit it. The two of us, we were absolutely good team.
