10月25日はあたしの最愛のひと Orin F. Buck の月命日でもあった。８ヶ月過ぎて、いよいよ想いは募るし、当たり前のように泣く。みぞおちと、額のある前頭葉部分がまだぐずぐずしている。同時に、幸福な感情を司ると言われるセロトニン（脳内ホルモン）にも思いが向く。こちらをテイクケアしてあげなきゃね。すでにあたしの心の住人になっているOちゃんの分も楽しくやってゆこう。Oちゃん、あたしの心の成長を促し、あたしを独立させ、自由という状態を与えてくださってほんとうにありがとう。
アンタが生きていた時は、『あたしたち二人』この束縛があったかも。今は『あたし一人』、少しずつだけど、『あたしは皆（万物・生命と一緒）』を認知しかかっている。そして、最終的には『あたし、というものはいない』ことを悟るんじゃ無いかしら。
October 25th was also the anniversary of the death of my beloved Orin F. Buck. Eight months have passed, and my feelings for him have been grown, and I still am crying as usual. The pit of my stomach and the part of my frontal lobe where my forehead is located are still sobbing. At the same time, my thoughts also turn to serotonin, which is said to control feelings of happiness. I should take care of this. Let’s have fun with O-chan, who has already become a resident of my heart. Orin-chan, Thank you so much for encouraging my spiritual growth, making me independent, and giving me a state of freedom.
When he was alive, probably we were a bit tight each one “two of us/you and I”. Now I am alone. Little by little I am beginning to realize that “I am everything(along with all things & life)” And in the end, I think I will realize that “There is no such thing as me.”
